the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
