So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
