Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
