so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize