my vag is so smooth its legendary
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
