seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
