did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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