I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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