all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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