i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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