weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
