its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
