can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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