Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i think i just lost a toe
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
