I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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