I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
