We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
