I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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