and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
