just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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