I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
