you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
