also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
