Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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