I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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