did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
