I'm eating all of the evidence.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
