I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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