is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
