when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
