While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
