Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
