I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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