TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
