No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
