You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
