Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
