ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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