he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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