The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
