I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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