I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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