somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
