Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
