put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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