Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
