I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to calm my uterus...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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