CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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