I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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