no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
