mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
