I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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